2025-01-20 - Diary: Josh the Destroyer

What an idiot I am for thinking I could come here and exist with these people, these magical, close-knit people. Then here I come, a bull in a china shop, breaking everything like I do. The people who gave me a chance were better off when my life was working at the Vine and then going home to my empty apartment. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I dared to let myself hope there could have been something with him. I should have known that someone like me could never have ended up with someone that lovely, that I was never good enough for him, that it was never, ever going to work.

This is my journal, so you're obviously never going to read this. But somehow I hope you will understand that I am so sorry. That you never did anything wrong. That I monstrously and monumentally fucked it all up. And not even 24 hours after your roommate warned me not to fuck it up. Wow. That was almost prescient.

I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with her and be at peace. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I promise not to bother you anymore, I'm going to give you space and time and let you live your life.

Maybe one day you'll forgive me.

Peace and Love.

Josh the Destroyer